Dido my old idol

where is she now?

i mis her,

i listen to her song when i was form 1

i think..

her song have soul

i can hear that

because it sound so real and familiar

dont want to move thing because it might change my memory

just burnlah

how are you today?

today hari selasa,

8.24 am

it so cold here

..i think i wanna sleep,

but i think i wanna say somthing at here,

i wonder what it is,

i have question,

i wonder how do you think about world?

do like it or you hate it so much?

do you even care about world?

or you just care about you own self?

because nobody wanna help you or hear your story..

it seems like revenge you know,

like P.ramlie i wacth at history channel,

when he was alive nobody appreciate him,

all his work are nothing,

his fellow member that work with him hate him so much because of jealous,

i wonder why you need to do this?

why hate someone that done nothing to you?

if you jaelous why dont you create something that can beat his creative and why you hurt him with emosion?

it preaty stupid,

but i learn something,

you are popular but you still have someone that hate you so much,

for no reason,

you are kind and done nothing wrong to anyone but still they hate you for no reason…

i wonder why……..

why if my heart are made from glasses than you made from what?

ashes?nail,dirty water that can change to be tsunami because of hate.

Then when he was alive nobody want wanted him,

when he die everyone want him,

huh…

it proof that if you are popular at world,

people wanted you so much,

if you doest know to how love Allah you not so popular after you death.

i hate duniawi,

it doest stay long,

huh..

in my mind now i got soo many question but i dont know how to say it..

when i was still at school,

my first year at new school are dark!

nobody want to be my friend,

they hate quiet friend,

this is why i hate changing school so much,

in three year i was living in the darkness,

i hate everbody they made me turn itu emo kid,

i always cry,

because i was so lonely,

i need a friend,

a true friend,

but….

i dont know what to do anymore

what i know is stay quiet because i already tired,

me the glasses that no one care about me even my own family,

make me getting more dark,

inside my heart are empty glasses,

i search for help

i go to caunseling room many time but

evertime i spoke,i spoke with my emotion

because i already keep this thing for a long time

i was so lonely,

i need friend but they leave me,

i need parents but they doest care about me..

Allah?i wanted to meet you..but when?

when i cry i say you name Allah..a lot

i really wanted you Allah

my heart was so hurt,

i hate school,

i hate people,

i hate being in class,

they killing me  slowly in three years

i wanna escape

dont want go to school

school are evil place

even the teacher so,

caunseling doest help me,

i even already knows what caunseling teachers gonna say to me,

i think in my mind,

it is being caunseling is so easy

because the way you say to me are so easy!

seems my problem can be solve in 2 second,

easy for you teacher!

you just same with someone else!

i wanna sleep

so much but i cant close my eyes?

why?

i try to speak but no one listen

if someone listen they dont see my problem

they get angry back to me

and say that it was your fault,

so better i keep my mouth shut up and sleep,

hide my face,

and cry with my eyes close,

i hope this thing gonna vanish in my life,

dont want to see this again

wanna be like 5 yeas old back

no worry

no tear

because i dont know nothing…

i hope this brain gonna forget all this..

dont make me insane

please dont

i already insane when i was child

looking at the sky

and be calm back

this feeling are good to me

thank you Allah

for creating sky

it so beautiful

it makes me happy

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